Faced with a huge and intimidating prospect of... (fill in the blank), I was thinking about all the negative. All the things that I am not good at. How messy I have "always" been, how terrible I am at keeping my house in order. All that I am not. How so much better other people are at housework tasks than I am. How I don't want to do this again. It is too much sacrifice for me. I'm the one that loses out in this situation.
Then Josiah said something strange that really caught me off guard.
"Your life is worth living."
Why would he say that? I'm not suicidal.
But thinking about everything that I have been questioning and doubting, haven't I been taking my life for granted? Haven't my negative thoughts really been leading me to believe that my life, how it is right now, isn't what I want it to be, and therefore makes it unworthy to live?
So instead of living, I go into negative-mode, wishing for what I don't have, things that surely will make everything better.
Isn't that suicide of a different kind? Suicide of my heart. What stupid lies have I believed!?
God, I'm sorry that I have. I know that living in a fog is not your plan for me. I know that you are faithful and you have a fulfilling life for me. Your plan is not for me to kill my heart, my dreams, my emotions, just because I don't fit this perfect image in my head.
My life is worth living. Show me how to live it.
"Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
for I put my trust in you."
-Psalm 86: 4
To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.