There was a time when I stopped dreaming. I stopped living in vivid color. I only saw and breathed in hues of gray. Nothing would overly excite me. Life was dull, nothing was going to change, nothing was going to get better. I was in survival mode.
I don't have many memories from that time because I blocked a lot of things out (and it's not just because I don't have a good memory). I lived in my own little world inside my mind and rarely came out. I might have seemed present, but I was only partly paying attention.
Or if I wasn't inside of myself, I was addicted to the TV. I couldn't keep my eyes off it, if it was on. As if my life weren't filled with enough drama, I had to submerse myself in the drama going on in TV land. And somehow within that half hour/hour time slot, they always managed to work their dramas out (or get them worked out enough that they could present a new dilemma the next week). It was pretty pathetic.
That stuff, if you let it, will kill your dreams. It will disconnect you from the ability to dream.
Since then, I am a recovering TV addict, and I have started to dream again and live my life more fully and more brightly.
I have dreams of writing (which I'm sort of accomplishing now). I have dreams of doing more drawing. I have dreams of getting better at playing the guitar, to the point where I can hear a song and see it and play it. I have dreams of taking more photos (I don't necessarily want to become a professional photographer, I just want to take more, better photos).
I have dreams to travel the country with Josiah. I would love to take him out West, to the Redwood forest, the Oregon coast, the Grand Tetons, Montana, Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, so many things that I want him to experience and that I would love to see again!!
I have even deeper dreams too. Ones that I don't know if I want to reveal to the world just yet. Ones that I only dare to whisper to myself.
Some of these dreams I need to wait for. Others, there are things that I am doing right now that are helping me to fulfill some of those dreams. And there are still more dreams that I'm not even aware of yet. Ones that God will drop into my lap years down the road and continue to develop more deeply as I age.
Dreaming again, it's been about learning to trust. Learning to do it. Learning not to compare. Learning to see worth. Learning about grace. Learning to wait expectantly.
To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.