Moving Day

God certainly has a way of pushing us out of our comfort zones.

Tomorrow is a day that I hoped I wouldn't come.  Moving day.

I was hoping to grow old here, in this peaceful place, and maybe move eventually, when one of the boys took over running the farm.  But God had different plans.

We decided it was time to sell the farm back in October 2019.  And on the very brisk, sunny day of December 7, 2019, the farm was sold.



Dawn 12/7/2019

 

The process leading up to the sale was extremely painful, but on that day, I felt relieved.  I was ready for this step to be done.

 

Looking back, it is easy to see the Lord leading us throughout the entire journey.  The timing was right.  We couldn't be more thrilled with who bought the property, they've been so gracious with us as we looked for a new place.  The story of our new house is nothing short of miraculous, and we have been so blessed by everyone who helped us get ready for tomorrow.  We don't even deserve the kindness that everyone has poured out on us.

 

I've really never had to move before (I went to college and moved out of my parents' house when I got married, but those aren't as big as this feels).  We have 10.5 years of memories and clutter, adding on 2 little boys and their possessions (which aren't too terribly much), plus an attic full of past heirlooms that don't feel right being left behind.

 

I can't count the number of times that I told God I couldn't do this, emotionally or physically.  But somehow He always knows my limit and how to push me to see past what I think is possible.

 

I mean, we are going to be moving in the middle of a worldwide pandemic...  I never thought that would happen either (the pandemic, but also having to move during a pandemic). 

 

Normally we would have a small army of people helping out and I probably would try to have the boys be occupied elsewhere, with someone else.  But when you don't want to endanger other people's health or spread a deadly disease, it takes a lot more patience, grace, and strength than I think I have.

 

So if you think about us tomorrow (4/4/20), you can pray (especially that I don't lose my mind... or anything else).

 

 



Farming can be dangerous

Josiah almost died today.

And I'm not being overdramatic about that statement.  There were many, many miracles that happened to prevent the accident that he had from resulting in serious injury or death.

It's hard to describe.

It's hard to describe the feeling of getting a text from Josiah telling you to come to the manure day-pit because he's trapped.  I don't even know how he had the strength or the wits about him to send me a text and call his dad and grandpa on the phone while teetering on the edge of the pit.  I gathered from his text that it was serious, but to [speed]walk around the corner of the barn and see the position of the skid loader on it's front with the bucket down in the pit and just a chain link fence holding both it and Josiah from falling into 5+ feet of manure that was being agitated, that really got my adrenaline going.

He was trapped for maybe 10 minutes.  I'm thankful that the right people were there to help.  I couldn't have driven the tractor to pull the skid loader back off the fence.

It was a scary experience.  And I'm so thankful that Josiah is okay!

Farming can be dangerous.  It's really scary to think of all that could go wrong each day with the chores that are done every single day.  Something could break, or a tire could go flat at the wrong time, or a cow could get spooked and kick back as you're walking past her stall.  Anything could happen, and it's hard not to think about that right now since something bad almost did happen.  Equipment is replaceable, but human life is precious and fragile.

On a broader scope, anything could happen to anyone at any moment.  A car accident.  An illness that started out as something minor.  Food poisoning.  A meteor strike!?!?  Really anything.

But if I dwell on all the "what if's," I will become paralyzed with fear to even move or breathe (which would also be deadly).

Today was a scary experience, but I know that whatever happens, God is still in control and He has already been victorious over death or anything else that can happen to an earthly body.

It's not an easy thing to believe, but where else can that real, deep, root-drenching hope be found but in a relationship with God?

I'm so thankful for my family!!

Night work

What seems like ages ago, I used to work a night shift of milking.  This was when we were milking 24/7 (milking 24/7 is not normal for a herd our size, but the reason we did it is a long story that I don't know if I will ever tell on my blog.  Too complicated and probably wouldn't be that interesting to read.)

Sometimes, especially on nights like tonight, when I take a walk after dark around the barns in this beautiful weather, I miss those late night milkings.  

I would turn on the worship music and sing as loud as I wanted because no one else was around except the cows, and they really don't care what I sound like when I sing.  It was kind of exhilarating, being up when very few other people were.  Doing something productive and good and seeing how good of a job I could do each time.  And being alone.  That place became my personal worship and prayer room.

Of course, that room no longer exists in our new parlor setup, and I no longer get to milk because I'm taking care of Joshua.  

But I still pull some night shifts of a different kind.  It's hard to feel the same way about these shifts as I felt about milking because they're just so different.  Then, I was caring for 250+ cows, and I could see the progress and outcome of my work very clearly, almost instantly.  Now, I'm caring for 1 little human.  And the progress feels so slow, the amount of work that we've put in feels greater than the "outcome" we've seen so far.  The past 7 months have seemed to crawl by, but at the same time, I'm wondering how my little boy is growing up so fast!

I guess those night shifts were preparing me (a little bit, nothing can ever really prepare you for having a baby) for now, as a reminder that the work I'm doing is still exhilarating.  I'm raising another human being, for crying out loud!!  It's been the most crazy, and scary, and wow-I'm-gonna-need-so-much-jesus-and-coffee-to-make-it-through-this, and hard, and wouldn't-trade-it-for-the-world challenges.

Happy Father's Day & Joshua's story

So today, along with being Father's Day, was also the child and baby dedication at our church.  There were 8 children being dedicated!!  And Joshua was one of them.  (Only one child was a girl!)  I thought I would share what we shared in front of the church, which is an abbreviated version of Joshua's story of existence and words of encouragement for him from us.

        .................................................................................................................................................

Valerie:  In 2012 (and really since 2009) the farm was going through a difficult financial time.  I was reading through the book of Joshua and I felt the Lord prompting me that the name of our first son was supposed to be Joshua, which means "the Lord saves," because the Lord was going to save us through that hard time (and He still is).  So I wrote that down on a piece of paper and hid it away for later.  (I brought it along to the hospital to show family and friends after he was born.  The date on it was 10/29/2012)
  Then in February of 2015, I had a dream that we had a baby boy on December 1 (I asked the date several times in my dream just to be sure) and we named him Joshua Clay.  **Side note that I forgot to share: If I had been a boy, my parents would have named me Joshua.  I had forgotten all about this until after Joshua was born and my mom reminded me!!**  When we had the doctor's appointment to confirm the pregnancy, they told us our due date was December 11, which is the date of our dating anniversary.

Josiah:  I am the fourth generation in the Garber family with the initials of JCG.  We thought this was a neat tradition that we wanted to carry on.  And Joshua Clay fit that "criteria."
  At our 20 week ultrasound, we found out we were having a baby boy and he was growing well.  The next day Valerie had to go back for some follow-up ultrasound pictures and received the diagnosis that our baby had a 2 vessel umbilical cord, a normal cord has 3 vessels.  **Another thing not shared:  Valerie also had a low lying placenta, which can also lead to more complications.  Thankfully it moved up to its proper place after a few weeks.**  Because of this we were scheduled for a few extra check-ups.

Valerie:  At the first of these extra appointments, I went by myself (Josiah had been able to go to all them so far).

Josiah:  Shortly after Valerie left, I got a phone call from her saying she was headed over to the specialist (Maternal Fetal Medicine or MFM) for an emergency ultrasound because the baby's heart rate was irregular.  I joined Valerie for this appointment and every appointment after this.  **They didn't find anything wrong, his heart rate was normal and continued to be normal at every visit.**  Monthly, then biweekly, then weekly ultrasounds (and non-stress tests) followed and consumed the last 3 months of the pregnancy.  These appointments confirmed Joshua's health, renewed our faith in God and reminded us that "the Lord saves," and an added bonus was that we got to see 3D pictures of him almost every week until he was born.
  We prepared for a December 1 arrival.  And on Monday, November 30, we went in to the hospital in the evening, hoping now was the time.  Joshua Clay was born November 30 at 11:55pm.

***Big side note here:  The midwife asked if we wanted to wait until December 1 to have Joshua because we mentioned the dream, but we decided that we didn't need to specifically wait for that date.  Whenever he came, we would be happy.      So when Joshua was still inside me, he apparently pooped, a lot.  This first poop is called meconium and is black and sticky.  When this happens and the baby is born, they may have meconium in their mouths and can inhale it which is pretty bad for their lungs, as you can imagine.  So they try to take the baby quickly after birth and suck as much meconium out as possible before they can breathe it in.  We later learned that the midwife said this was the worst amount of meconium that she had ever seen and she was a bit worried that it could basically have killed him (this midwife (lovely woman that she is) tends to be very excitable and even maybe a little overdramatic at times, so I'm not sure really how serious it was).  Thinking back on this, I wonder if part of the reason for my dream was a warning?  Maybe Joshua wouldn't have made it if we had waited until December 1?  Either way, God's timing was perfect!***

Valerie:  Joshua, it would have been easy to see all these challenges arising and be discouraged and even fearful that we may never be able to meet you.  But the Lord is consistently faithful.  All your extra check-ups were an assurance of this and of His promise to save you.
  It would have been (and sometimes was) easy to doubt God's timing of your birth, but we kept holding on to that promise of December 1, even when others may have laughed it off as a simple dream.  Through your birth, our faith has been strengthened in the promises and faithfulness of God!

Josiah:  Joshua, may you live a faithful, passionate life; whole-heartedly chasing the dreams the Lord lays on your heart.  Be a strong and courageous mighty warrior, fighting battles for the Lord.
  Joshua 1: 9,  "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Happy Father's Day Daddy!!

Day 14: Wonderings

It seems that every couple of days I reevaluate what exactly I'm doing here.  My writing and journey this month isn't turning out how I expected.  I thought that this topic would kickstart my doing more creative things in my home.  But mainly, we've been just removing clutter from our lives instead, which really makes a huge difference for any home!

Maybe I chose being simply creative less for my home and more for my self.  Seeing the simple and the creative around me and in me and learning to use it and be thankful for it.  Taking walks and working things out that have been in my mind for a while.  Trying to figure out who I am again, and who I will become in this next season of life.

Day 11: Resting and realizing

Yesterday, after church, Josiah and I spent the afternoon resting after the busy day on Saturday.  We normally take a walk in the afternoon, but I was just too tired to do that.

And obviously, I didn't get to writing on my blog either Saturday or Sunday, so I'm making up for it now.

I was thinking about how life will change with a little one coming soon, and I realized that too many times, I have allowed stubbornness get in the way of letting other people help me.  I let my pride or what I've always known or what I grew up with dictate how I live, when I could do things in a better or easier way.

One example of this is our shower curtain rings.  When we got married, I wanted pretty, shiny, silver hooks for the shower curtain.  Our curtain rod is metal, and Josiah tried to tell me that plastic would be better, but I wanted the prettiness.

So for 6+ years, we struggled with that shower curtain.  Every time you would open or close it, it would give so much resistance and some of the hooks would fall off.  I was willing to put up with it, but I would often hear comments from Josiah on how hard and annoying it was.

I finally caved a few months ago (and I had a gift card), and bought clear, plastic rings for our shower curtain.  I must admit, it's been nice.  No more struggling to pull the curtain open or closed (and so much thankfulness coming from Josiah for the plastic rings)!

Slowly learning, that my way isn't always the easiest or right.

Corn harvest

The harvest has begun.  We started chopping the corn last Friday, and continued today!  A few more busy days to come!

Before chopping

Here are some pictures from today.

Josiah at the top of a silo

It's almost that time of year!

There's just something about these images that make me giddy!

It's almost that time of year!  Fall harvest!  (They only chopped a little bit today to open up better access to the silage bags, the real thing won't happen for a week or two)

I love spring and fall, and for some reason, the harvest in each season is always a highlight, even though it makes for long hours and tired workers.  It's so weird, because I don't normally like or adjust well to changes, but I like these changing seasons.

Maybe it's seeing the "fruit" for the labor that goes on every day here.  Seeing how much God blows our minds with His faithfulness and a better harvest than we expect.

Good Memories & Gratitude

This morning brought me to an unexpected joy in a chore that I usually take for granted.

I realized that I love to wash the dishes by hand (I am still thankful for my dishwasher though)!  I can look out the window in front of me and watch the bustle of farm life and pray and sing and it is so much fun!

This morning I was blessed to see the beautiful synchronization that can take place with any good team.  Josiah on the scraping tractor, Jeremy in the skid-steer, Grandpa on the tractor hauling out the frozen manure and snow from the open barnyard.  Everyone doing their part to clean up after Tuesday's snow.  It was a beautiful picture.  I was thankful to have such a view and be reminded of the wonderful people who work here on the farm.  Unity is always a lovely picture.

And it also takes me back to my days working in the kitchen at Black Rock, washing multitudes of dishes in the sink, only to take them back to run through the industrial dishwasher.  Those were the good old days!  I do miss that sometimes.  But I never had as good of a view when I washed dishes as I do now.  Every one should have a good view while washing the dishes.

And the warm water with all those bubbles, it's refreshing and cozy on a cold day.   The bubbles remind me of bubble fights I had with my roommates at college.  Where we would end up on the floor laughing so hard.

Thank you Lord for good memories and gratitude today.

Dissatisfied

Josiah and I went to see the second part of The Hobbit movie the other evening.

First, Josiah fell asleep.  This is normal, and he saw all but the last half hour maybe.  So he didn't miss the whole thing.

Secondly, the book is much better.  If only they had stuck to the book, but I guess they thought the book wasn't dramatic enough and Smaug needed more lines (among other characters who monopolize the attention away from the true main character, Bilbo Baggins).  And why do the dwarves look so goofy?  Gimli never looked that goofy in the Lord Of The Rings movies.  And really, who would ever believe a love story between a dwarf and an elf?  It would never work, now move on to the real story.

And finally, I don't really enjoy watching movies all that much anymore.  They leave me dissatisfied.  It's what they're meant to do.  Leave you hanging by an emotional thread, wanting more so that you come back for the next one in the series, the same goes for a televisions series.

Leaving you dissatisfied with your life, wanting more adventure, more fun, more freedom, more happiness.  Always wanting more.  More than my busy schedule and tired eyes, more than my messy house, more than my average intelligence and common sense could ever leave me with.  Life in the movies always works out, right (It makes me wonder if the final Hobbit movie will follow the book in who dies and who lives in the end?)?

Casting shadows of discontent over my plain, often unglamorous life.  Creating discontent and ingratitude.  Pulling my eyes and heart down into myself.  The places where I can't see all the little miracles and gifts.

I'm reading another Ann Voskamp book this year, One Thousand Gifts.  Also, at the beginning of this year, I've started counting my 1000 gifts for her Joy Dare in a lovely journal that I put pictures on the front of (such a fun project!).  So far I am finding it easy to find 3 things each day to be grateful for, and some days I don't want to stop, I want to write 10 things down not just 3!

But still, my discontent peeks through.  Whenever my plan for the day gets pushed aside for something more pressing.  Whenever I am interrupted while writing or reading.  Whenever I am forced to be in a rush to go somewhere.  Whenever the weather turns cold and white and impedes travel.  Then you will see the grumpy, dissatisfied me.  The selfishness in me.  The things I don't want to be.

And so I keep counting all these every day gifts that God has put right in front of me.

I will learn this, it may take my whole life but I will continue to learn it afresh every day.

Perspective

These are the hard days.  When things don't go as you plan.

It snows and makes the world beautiful, but also makes more work and harder travel.  When a night of unexpected work follows a full day, still fighting that nagging cold.

I found myself grumpy, not even wanting any sympathy, but wanting to wallow in my own frustration.

And of course, that's when that one word popped into my head.  God reminding me that this one word brings perspective.

Gratitude.  How do I be grateful, when I feel so ungracious?  How do I surround myself with this word that contains joy and grace, when I can't make myself feel joyful?

I remind myself that I have a place to work and live.  That I am grateful to be able to steward this land, for this season that God has allowed.  I remember my gratitude for the cows.  So many of them I would call friends (it may sound weird to you, but it's true).  And they provide us with milk, which makes so many wonderful things (like chocolate and ice cream, 2 of my favorites).  And I know that I am grateful that I am able to fill in for many of the jobs on the farm so that Josiah gets some sleep.

So far, bringing this word to mind, has helped me change my perspective in a somewhat frustrating situation.  It helped me focus on the positive things that I am thankful for.  And from that I was reminded to pray for and into the situations that I am finding difficult.  Trusting that out of gratitude, a miracle will come.

My Word for 2014

I have decided on my word.  For a while there I was wrestling between 2 words.  One exciting and something that I want to live into more, the other one, not as exciting and more taken for granted.

It's an everyday thing that I don't do as much as I would like to think.  I forget, I grow discontent.

This year, the word that I want to live into, to surround myself with, to live by and focus on every day; that one word is: gratitude.