Change Is Hard

These spring evenings are beautiful!

I love them... and hate them at the same time.

They remind me of how much I miss being in the dairy industry, how much I miss working together as a family.  I miss seeing Joshua care for the calves.

I spent some time standing in the empty parlor recently thinking about the past.  I realized one big difference.

When I was working in that parlor, I knew exactly what I was doing.  The motions were easy and routine.  I wasn't scared, not of the equipment or the cows.  I was the boss.

These days, with children, I don't know exactly what I'm doing.  Nothing comes easy or is the same every day.  I'm scared I'm messing my boys up.  And the harder I try to be the boss, the less in control I feel.

It's crazy, but in a time when we had very little control over our circumstances (the volatility of the milk price and so many variables that affect cow health and production), I had so much peace.  And now, when it feels like we have more wiggle room with where we're at and where we can go, I have so many questions and faith can feel hard to come by.

It seems so backwards.  That's probably why I've had such a difficult time adjusting to the change.

I wrote these words back in September of 2016, but I feel they still apply to my life today:

Life for me recently has been a challenge.  We had a baby last November and that was a gigantic change for me.  If you know me well, you know that change and I don't exactly get along.  I like slow and steady.  Give me the same routine, the same task every day and I will be happy.

Unfortunately, Baby Boy (Joshua) doesn't know that.  He likes to sleep through the night for a few nights in a row and then throw in a few nights where he wakes up multiple times.  He likes to take one really long nap a day, and then the next day he'll throw me for a loop and take three 30 minute naps (30 minute naps are the worst!!).

And then there is this struggle with trying to figure out how to get everything done around the house, while he is either clinging to my legs wanting to be held, or wandering off into the next room to explore and see how much laundry he can unfold.  Or trying to do things while he takes his naps of unpredictable lengths, when all I really want to do is have a cup of coffee and sit down. 

I feel like I haven't caught up with this change yet.  I can't quite figure out this new role of "mom."  How do I fit into this role, or how does this role fit into me?  I don't know yet which question is the correct one, or the answer to it.  I feel as though I am no longer "Valerie."  I am "mom" or "mama."

That last sentence reminds me of Galatians 2: 20- "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

I am no longer who I was.  I've been changed by change.  And I will constantly be changed by change, if I allow God to grow me in that way instead of clinging stubbornly to the things that were.  And it is hard.  Change is still not my favorite thing.  But through God's grace I am making it through.

Perspective Shift

I am having trouble articulating my thoughts recently, mainly because there is so much going on in my head that I don't know what I really want to say.  And there are so many emotions running around in me that I'm a little confused over what exactly I'm feeling.

I know that I feel sadness.  A year ago today, two major events happened on this farm.  

The first was that we decided to sell the cows.  

The second thing, I'm hesitant to talk about, because everything has not been settled and I don't want my words to negatively affect the outcome or consequences.  I will only say that it was something that felt very devastating to the farm, something that we never expected to happen, a structural failure of sorts.  I still think back to that evening, an hour and a half before the event, I had been walking with Joshua in an area that, if we were there a few hours later, we may have lost our lives.  Still, all I can do when I think of that evening is shake my head in disbelief at the sight of that accident, and remind myself to keep breathing, that we're okay and that we received a miracle and a confirmation in that one awful moment.  It was time to sell the cows (once again, I am being purposefully vague in exactly what happened).

I was fighting to hold it together this morning while at a mom's group that I attend.  Feeling sorry for myself, for my loss.  And then we walked outside and I was reminded that I'm not the only one feeling loss.  A graveside service for the mom of someone I know was just finishing up.  I always start to feel a little silly when I see and hear about other people's difficult situations, they always seem so much worse or more important than selling a bunch of cows.

But diminishing my story and my pain doesn't make me feel any better.  I know that the timing was right for us to walk away from dairying, but that fact doesn't help my feelings either.  

So I've kind of been feeling stuck in this place of having all the feelings, but not knowing what exactly is going on, what God is doing, what He's trying to accomplish through all this.

"This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing."  -Romans 4: 17b (NLT)

Pretty much that verse sums it up, the small hope that I've been clinging to through this.  The only way that anything good will come out of all this is if God makes it happen.  He's going to have to be the one to bring the dead hopes back to life and create new things out of the nothing that I'm feeling.  

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life."

-Proverbs 13: 12

22 

The other day as I was walking around this (too) quiet farm, I was thinking that maybe my perspective is what is holding me in this stuck place.  Maybe if I think more about what we had and less about what we lost.  Considering the "firsts" rather than obsessing over the "lasts."  More thankfulness and less longing.  That sounds a little too familiar for comfort, like the Israelites longing for slavery back in Egypt instead of the dusty, hot desert where they didn't have enough food and water.  The place where they were slaves but had plenty rather than the hard journey to the promised land. (Exodus 16)

There are more sad milestones coming over the next few months, but there are also some joyful ones coming as well.  Our little boy will be turning 3 and our baby boy will be turning one (I can't believe they're growing up so fast!!!  I look at my 3yo and wonder how he got to be such a handsome, perceptive little boy!).  We'll get to celebrate the holiday season with family surrounding us.  We'll be welcoming a new niece or nephew.   Even though I'm being reluctantly thankful about all these things (not because I'm not thankful for them, maybe just because it's easier to see the negative), I still feel some of the heaviness lifting.  

Lord, change my perspective.  Maybe then I can see all the things You are resurrecting in me and all that You are creating anew in my life.

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance;
    therefore, I will hope in him!"

25 The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
    to those who search for him.
26 So it is good to wait quietly
    for salvation from the Lord."

-Lamentations 3: 22-26

Season of change

I have so much to say, but every time I sit down to write, the words won't come.  I'm going to try to push through this because I want to share what we've been going through this past year and where we are headed.

This year has been and will be one that revolved around change.  Change is not something that I readily put myself through on a regular basis, I would rather stick with the status quo of life, let's not rock the boat too much, even-keeled everyday living.  But the more I go through difficult circumstances, the more I can see that I need change in my life.  Changes, especially hard ones, make me lean harder in the Lord.  They make me set aside my desires and dreams and ask the Lord, "what are You trying to teach me through all this?"  I've been having this kind of scary thought recently: maybe I shouldn't wish for seasons of rest, because in those seasons its almost harder to trust the Lord than in the hard times.  And that is a truly terrifying thought to my North American perspective and lifestyle.

This whole year, my husband and I have been processing what we should do in the coming years.  The dairy industry has been a hard one over the past 9 years or more.  We (I say we to include the previous generation, not just myself and Josiah) expanded the dairy in 2007.  2008 was a "rebuilding" year, trying to get the cows used to a new facility and back up in production, while paying off loans and other bills from the expansion project.  Then 2009 hit.  And it hit hard.  Milk prices were very low and as you can probably figure out, low milk prices for a dairy that is trying to pay off loans is not a good thing.  And it just feels like we could never get our feet back underneath us with one thing or another.

In 2013, Josiah and I bought the farm.  We restructured everything, renovated the barn and milking parlor to meet our (and the herd's needs), and tried to keep moving forward.  2014 was a really good year for milk prices, but once again, we were in a "rebuilding" year where we were all adjusting to the stress of finishing up construction and getting the herd healthy and used to a new routine.  So we've basically been holding on for the past 4 years with everything that we have.

This past March, Josiah was approached by my dad about the possibility of coming to work for him and 2 of my uncles.  I don't even know how to describe the agonizing decision that was, especially for me.  I did not grow up on a dairy farm, and over the past 8+ years of working on one, I have fallen in love with the animals and the work itself, as hard as it is.  I'm the one that drug my feet on giving up this lifestyle.  I felt like it's all I've ever been good at and to take that away is crushing.  But at the same time, the Lord was leading me to let go of this thing that I have held on to so tightly, this idea that dairy farming is the only way we can live our lives, that it is somehow my only identity.

But changes are coming.  In about a week, we are selling our cows.  We don't know exactly what the future will look like yet (of course, we never know what the future looks like until we get there, and we never get there because the future is always the future).

There have been a few verses that I've been clinging to over the past few months:

- "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27: 13-14

In a world where nothing is for certain, if I can get to that point where I can say that the Lord is good through everything, I'm getting somewhere.  His goodness may not always look like what I had planned, but He does have good plans for me (Jeremiah 29: 11), and even if I have to walk through difficult times, He is still there and He is doing work in my life to make me more and more into who He created me to be in Him.

-"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need." -Psalm 23: 1

As simple and familiar as this verse is, I've been reminded that it is true.  The Lord does provide all that I need.  Once again, sometimes what I think I need and what I actually need aren't the same things, but the Lord is faithful to gently lead me away from the things that might actually hurt me in the long run that might seem good right now.

I am going to miss the cows, the work, and our workers like crazy, but all the more importantly, I don't want to miss out on what the Lord has for me in this new season.  I don't want to miss out on the purpose that He is fitting me for even now in the middle of the messy unknowns of life.

A book that has meant a lot to me during this season (besides the Bible, that's been a very important aspect of life + tons of prayer) is Girl Meets Change by Kristen Strong.  There were also a few Bible studies that have been impactful over the past year as well, the 2 that stand out are by Priscilla Shirer: Discerning the Voice of God, and The Armor of God.

Farming can be dangerous

Josiah almost died today.

And I'm not being overdramatic about that statement.  There were many, many miracles that happened to prevent the accident that he had from resulting in serious injury or death.

It's hard to describe.

It's hard to describe the feeling of getting a text from Josiah telling you to come to the manure day-pit because he's trapped.  I don't even know how he had the strength or the wits about him to send me a text and call his dad and grandpa on the phone while teetering on the edge of the pit.  I gathered from his text that it was serious, but to [speed]walk around the corner of the barn and see the position of the skid loader on it's front with the bucket down in the pit and just a chain link fence holding both it and Josiah from falling into 5+ feet of manure that was being agitated, that really got my adrenaline going.

He was trapped for maybe 10 minutes.  I'm thankful that the right people were there to help.  I couldn't have driven the tractor to pull the skid loader back off the fence.

It was a scary experience.  And I'm so thankful that Josiah is okay!

Farming can be dangerous.  It's really scary to think of all that could go wrong each day with the chores that are done every single day.  Something could break, or a tire could go flat at the wrong time, or a cow could get spooked and kick back as you're walking past her stall.  Anything could happen, and it's hard not to think about that right now since something bad almost did happen.  Equipment is replaceable, but human life is precious and fragile.

On a broader scope, anything could happen to anyone at any moment.  A car accident.  An illness that started out as something minor.  Food poisoning.  A meteor strike!?!?  Really anything.

But if I dwell on all the "what if's," I will become paralyzed with fear to even move or breathe (which would also be deadly).

Today was a scary experience, but I know that whatever happens, God is still in control and He has already been victorious over death or anything else that can happen to an earthly body.

It's not an easy thing to believe, but where else can that real, deep, root-drenching hope be found but in a relationship with God?

I'm so thankful for my family!!

Night work

What seems like ages ago, I used to work a night shift of milking.  This was when we were milking 24/7 (milking 24/7 is not normal for a herd our size, but the reason we did it is a long story that I don't know if I will ever tell on my blog.  Too complicated and probably wouldn't be that interesting to read.)

Sometimes, especially on nights like tonight, when I take a walk after dark around the barns in this beautiful weather, I miss those late night milkings.  

I would turn on the worship music and sing as loud as I wanted because no one else was around except the cows, and they really don't care what I sound like when I sing.  It was kind of exhilarating, being up when very few other people were.  Doing something productive and good and seeing how good of a job I could do each time.  And being alone.  That place became my personal worship and prayer room.

Of course, that room no longer exists in our new parlor setup, and I no longer get to milk because I'm taking care of Joshua.  

But I still pull some night shifts of a different kind.  It's hard to feel the same way about these shifts as I felt about milking because they're just so different.  Then, I was caring for 250+ cows, and I could see the progress and outcome of my work very clearly, almost instantly.  Now, I'm caring for 1 little human.  And the progress feels so slow, the amount of work that we've put in feels greater than the "outcome" we've seen so far.  The past 7 months have seemed to crawl by, but at the same time, I'm wondering how my little boy is growing up so fast!

I guess those night shifts were preparing me (a little bit, nothing can ever really prepare you for having a baby) for now, as a reminder that the work I'm doing is still exhilarating.  I'm raising another human being, for crying out loud!!  It's been the most crazy, and scary, and wow-I'm-gonna-need-so-much-jesus-and-coffee-to-make-it-through-this, and hard, and wouldn't-trade-it-for-the-world challenges.

Day 22: Living not just surviving

I couldn't sleep the other night.  Like, I slept fine until about 3am, then I was awake in bed for an hour before I decided it was better to just get up.  I wasn't really anxious about anything or have anything specific that was on my mind, I just could not fall back to sleep.

I guess it's practice for wake up calls that will begin in December.  I have not missed being on call all the time, like I used to be for the first 5 years of our marriage (we both were, and Josiah still is, but he doesn't get called nearly as much as he did in those first 5 years).  It is going to take every ounce of simple and creative gifts that I have to not just survive this season, but to feel like I'm actually living.

I don't like that feeling.  It's stressful.  I tend to shut down every non-essential thing (I'm sure a lot of other people do this too) and just focus on survival.  But that could be very bad because I'm not exactly an outgoing people person, so that's the thing that I tend to let go of first, relationships.

For example, we just started new small groups at our church, and sign up was completely voluntary.  I signed up.

And now I'm thinking, "how am I ever going to be able to do this?"  We meet as a group every other week and then we are supposed to meet with one or two other people on the off weeks for accountability and encouragement.  And I missed our first group meeting because I wasn't feeling well.

I missed the relationship of small groups, but I'm just not sure I can do this right now.  Maybe if this was not our first child.  But since this will be our first, life is full of unknowns.  And I don't like unknowns, they usually include some sort of change, and change is hard for me.  And all of this hasn't happened yet, so it is all completely hypothetical!

See what I mean?  Relationships outside of my house seem to be the first thing I chuck out the window when I'm looking at survival mode, even just imagining survival mode.

These verses are a handy reminder for those times:

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   -Colossians 3: 12- 17

Day 13: Deer at sunset

One thing that I/we need to be more creative with are our date nights!

Too often, especially during the winter, we end up on the couch in the evening, just watching a movie or whatever sports event might be on.  Bleh.  That gets boring.

We've been making an effort to go on more walks while we still can, before the little one comes and we're too exhausted, or before it gets too cold.  Last night we went on a sunset walk and were surprised to see some deer!

We found a spot downwind from where they had come out of a line of trees and brush and sat on the ground and waited.  After a good long wait, a doe finally came out and looked straight at us, she was maybe 20 yards away from our spot.  We weren't very hidden, so after a good long look, she ran back into the brush.

We were going to leave and had gotten up to go when we heard movement, so we quickly moved back along the tree line more and sat down again.  Out comes the doe again, and this time, after looking at us for several minutes she starts walking out across our field and she's followed by yearling triplets!

The scary part was that she snorted, and then we heard a snort coming from directly behind us, it sounded close, but we couldn't see anything.

As they were grazing through our field, they got downwind and must have smelled us because they took off.  By that time it was too dark to see where they went.

That was such a cool experience, I've never been that close to a deer (that I know of).  It was amazing!  And a nice simple evening that we could spend together, watching God's creativity.

Day 12: One small room at a time

Our project of the day was trying to figure out how to store our barn clothes in the "mud room," our room to keep the "farm" smell from imposing too much on the rest of the house.

It's a very small room with no sort of storage besides a few hooks on the walls to hang up coats and things.  There were a few options up in the attic and around the rest of the house.

I was thinking maybe we could take down some old cabinets in what used to be a second floor apartment and somehow make that work.  I think Josiah was looking for a more immediate solution, so we are using a tv stand that my sister didn't need any more.  Kind of small, but it will work for the time, until something else comes along or we need more storage.

This probably isn't that interesting of a post, but it's what we did today, other than decluttering a few other small areas.

Day 7: Baler twine and bungee cords

I'll tell a story, hope to make it quick, but somehow my stories seem to run longer than necessary.

A month ago, or more, Josiah was away somewhere.  And I went to visit my parents.  Both of our cars are older, but in pretty good shape for their age.  When I got home that evening, probably close to 10, I was planning to go to bed early, maybe read until Josiah called to tell me he was driving home.

But when I got home, I noticed that my brake lights wouldn't go out, even with the car off and the key out of the ignition.  I wasn't sure what was going on, I am not a mechanic, but I do know enough to make me dangerous.

I tried pulling the fuse for the taillights.  That didn't work (I still don't know why).  I thought the easiest thing would probably be to disconnect the battery, but I have no idea how to do that, so I called my dad, who is a mechanic (and farmer).  Thankfully, he has had this issue happen to several vehicles before, so he knew what the problem was.

I wanted to get it fixed before Josiah got home so that he wouldn't have to deal with it and could go right to bed because it was going to be midnight or after.  I thought I could do it, I'm a pretty good problem solver when I need to be, I can be creative.

A small rubbery piece behind the brake pedal had broken off and was not pushing the pedal the whole way back to it's resting position.  If I pulled on the pedal (I had to pull pretty hard!), the lights would go out.  So I needed to figure out a way to block up the pedal or pull it back toward the driver's seat.

You should have seen all the tools that I gathered!  I had a few bungee cords, a chain, a wood block, some baler twine, a pliers.  All I was missing was the duct tape!

Finally, after about an hour on the phone with my dad, and a lot of trial and error, I got the lights to go out!  Baler twine, bungee cords, and lots of sweat!

Josiah called a while later, after I had gone inside, and I told him about the whole ordeal.  While telling him, I glanced out to look at my handiwork... and the taillights were back on!  The bungee cord or twine had stretched out just enough that it wasn't working anymore.  I was so disappointed, but there was no way I was going out to try again!

When Josiah got home, he went right inside, grabbed an ice cream bucket and wedged it right under the pedal.  Problem solved.

I think I was trying to be too creative and I overthought that one.

Day 5: Changing season creativity

I am not a very crafts-y person.  I whole-heartedly admit that.  I can crochet, knit, sew (a very little), draw, make cards, etc.  But none of those things really excites me.  And that makes me kind of wonder why I chose this topic!!!!

But at the same time, being simply creative doesn't just have to be about arts and crafts.  Although, that's what I think a lot about when I think of creativity.

It can be just seeing the things around you and taking the time to appreciate the way they were made and learning from that to make life less about more things and more about time well spent on what is important.

I took a walk this morning and was marveling at the change in the land from one season to the next.  I can see the same view 365 days of the year, and it will never look the same!  That just blows my mind!

And that is real creativity right there!

Day 4: Sunday sunsets

The absolute best at simple creativity is the One who created everything.  It was great to see this amazing sunset this evening, especially after so many days of rain and clouds in a row!  These 3 pictures took place within a 10 minute time span.

Simply amazing!

Summer memories

Summer is officially over.  Fall has begun.  A new season, that will bring a lot of new things.  Changes.

So, I just thought I would sit down to try to remember the things that happened this summer that I am thankful for.

I've decided that one of my favorite things to do during the summer and one of the things that I've enjoyed most about this summer was making s'mores around the campfire with family and friends.  But there are so many more things that were also so fun!

Other things I am thankful for this past summer:

-beach trips with my mom and sisters.
-beach trip with Josiah's mom and sisters (even if it was cloudy all day and it rained, it was still fun to be together, and eat donuts while it rained).
-week of waterskiing on the Bay, along with other waterskiing excursions
-campfires with s'mores
-weekend trip with Josiah's family to the mountains
-baby gender reveal party around the campfire with our families
-evening walks with Josiah
-going to a wedding on our anniversary
-making applesauce
-painting the nursery
-peaches and pears! Yum!!
-eating from my small garden
-zucchini boats
-the pedal kayak
-kayaking with Charise
-worship nights
-planting some perennials!
-seeing my sunflowers come up again!

There are so many more, I'm sure!  But my brain can't recall anything else right now!

It has been a good summer.  A very special summer.  Our last summer just the 2 of us, next summer we will have another little family member here on the farm!  And there will be even more to be thankful for!

I have something I should tell you

I have something that I should probably tell you.  I don't know why I've kept it secret for this long (on my blog, at least).  I couldn't keep it a secret forever, so I think it is now time to let this one out.  For a while, I couldn't decide the best way to reveal this, but...

This is going to be a huge change in our lives!  I feel like I've been holding back in my writing because I wasn't ready to share this, but it's a big part of what's going on in life right now, so I kind of had to share.

I am not really working on the farm at all, maybe helping with a few small things on weekends.  But getting ready for a baby is weird, and busy, and so much to think about!  It can be a bit overwhelming because there is so much information out there, and everyone has advice, and everyone's pregnancy and delivery and child-raising experiences are different.  So it feels like slogging through a whole lot of stuff, but in the end, kind of tossing it all to the side and just doing what you feel is right for your own situation.

So, that's exciting, right?!

The above picture was fun to set up.  I had some onesies laying around and I dressed one of my old teddy bears in it and then got this idea and ran with it!

A few close-up shots:

Monkey trouble

Old buddies: this is Josiah's oldest and my oldest teddy bears.

Riding the rocking horse

My biggest teddy and my oldest stuffed animal "playing" with the Quiet Book my mom made me.

Corn harvest

The harvest has begun.  We started chopping the corn last Friday, and continued today!  A few more busy days to come!

Before chopping

Here are some pictures from today.

Josiah at the top of a silo

It's almost that time of year!

There's just something about these images that make me giddy!

It's almost that time of year!  Fall harvest!  (They only chopped a little bit today to open up better access to the silage bags, the real thing won't happen for a week or two)

I love spring and fall, and for some reason, the harvest in each season is always a highlight, even though it makes for long hours and tired workers.  It's so weird, because I don't normally like or adjust well to changes, but I like these changing seasons.

Maybe it's seeing the "fruit" for the labor that goes on every day here.  Seeing how much God blows our minds with His faithfulness and a better harvest than we expect.

Blue-Eyed Baby Girl

I'm not sure how often this happens, but I sure don't see it very frequently.

I was looking at the calves that were recently born a couple weeks ago, and I saw her.  Something just didn't look right to me.  As I got closer, I realized that she had blue eyes!

I don't know if I've ever seen a calf with blue eyes before!  I'll have to keep checking on her to see if they stay light or if they get dark like other cows' eyes.

Blue eyes

Here are some brown-eyed baby girls:

A letter to my younger self

Dear you/me/young one,

There are some things you need to know as you grow up.

First of all, never eat avocados.  If you heed this warning it will save you from a night of sickness and sleeplessness.  They make you sick, don't do it!  (At least, I think they make you sick and I wouldn't take the chance of eating them again, it's not worth it, and you don't really love them anyway.)

Secondly, avoid tackling in soccer with the outside of your foot.  You will sprain your ankle and it will swell up to the size of a softball.  If at all possible, avoid the sprained ankles, they really hurt!  You will enjoy your sports experience much more if you follow my advice.

Wear sunscreen, getting sunburned isn't worth it.

Don't just buy stuff at the store because you want it.  Think it over, if you can't see yourself using/wearing that item in at least 1 year, don't waste your money.

Take a photography class in high school.

Try not to procrastinate so much, it really will make school easier and you'll be more rested.

Look out for that young man in gym class (and every other class), he is cute and seems overconfident, but that's because he likes you.  It's okay to like him back. (Josiah wanted me to add this one)

Cows are not that scary.  They might be big, but they are gentle, curious, lovable creatures.  And yes, they do smell, but you'll get over that.


And most importantly, don't be afraid of being who God created you to be.  In order to learn this, don't look around at what other people are doing, don't compare yourself.  That is a game you cannot win.

You were made in the image of God.  You are smart, beautiful, and creative, because He is.  Get to know Him and you will know who He created you to be.  Never stop pursuing, knowing, and being known by God.  Hunger after it above all other things.  He knows your heart.

He has given you dreams.  He has plans for you.  He wants to use you.  He wants to fill you with joy.  He wants to free you!  Don't be afraid of what He may ask you to do.  He will give you what you need when you need it.

Don't be afraid of other people.  God has given you the words to say, if not in person, then in an email or letter.  We're all human and all walking around with scars and hurt, so be sensitive but strong.  Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4: 15).

Please, don't lose hope.  Pray more for that one impossible thing, you'll know what I'm talking about when you're older.  Don't give up hope, I haven't given up hope for that one yet, even though it does seem impossible.

Read/devour the Bible.  You'll need those words of truth.  Pray.  A lot.  It really makes a difference.

One last thing.  Your life won't turn out how you expected/dreamed it would, but it will be okay.  It's called growing character, and although painful, it is worth it.  You'll make it, I promise.  God is still faithful.

Things I learned in March

Things I learned in March:

1.  I have a fascination with the meaning of names and how people live out those meanings, intentionally or unintentionally. 

2.  Prayer really is hard work, it takes time and effort. I'm reading a really good book on prayer, The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. 

3.  How to know when a cow is done milking: she should still have some milk in her udder, between 1-2 cups total.  If less than 1 cup, she was over milked. If more than 2 cups, then she did not have the right prep timing or stimulation to have a full letdown of her milk. 

4.  I never realized that Isaac was still alive when Jacob returned from living with his uncle Laban (Genesis 35: 27-29). 

5.   Don't tell anyone, but I learned to cut my own hair.  I don't think I did too bad either!

(Not the greatest pic, I did some more trimming after taking this)

6.   Nothing in my life has happened by mistake.  God has a purpose for all of it, whether I see it now or not. 

Linking up with Emily P. Freeman at:  http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2014/03/28/lets-share-learned-march/

More March images

Another beautiful March day (yesterday)!  This time instead of bare feet, I had bare legs. I had shorts on today!  And no, I did not take a picture, it was not worth a picture.

My kittens were enjoying the sunny afternoon along with Dutchess. 

Edmund. 

Peter. 

Lucy, aka Squirt. 

Ed likes to cuddle. Pete loves to play.

It's staying light so much later right now, it's very easy to lose track of time!

So beautiful!