Moving Day

God certainly has a way of pushing us out of our comfort zones.

Tomorrow is a day that I hoped I wouldn't come.  Moving day.

I was hoping to grow old here, in this peaceful place, and maybe move eventually, when one of the boys took over running the farm.  But God had different plans.

We decided it was time to sell the farm back in October 2019.  And on the very brisk, sunny day of December 7, 2019, the farm was sold.



Dawn 12/7/2019

 

The process leading up to the sale was extremely painful, but on that day, I felt relieved.  I was ready for this step to be done.

 

Looking back, it is easy to see the Lord leading us throughout the entire journey.  The timing was right.  We couldn't be more thrilled with who bought the property, they've been so gracious with us as we looked for a new place.  The story of our new house is nothing short of miraculous, and we have been so blessed by everyone who helped us get ready for tomorrow.  We don't even deserve the kindness that everyone has poured out on us.

 

I've really never had to move before (I went to college and moved out of my parents' house when I got married, but those aren't as big as this feels).  We have 10.5 years of memories and clutter, adding on 2 little boys and their possessions (which aren't too terribly much), plus an attic full of past heirlooms that don't feel right being left behind.

 

I can't count the number of times that I told God I couldn't do this, emotionally or physically.  But somehow He always knows my limit and how to push me to see past what I think is possible.

 

I mean, we are going to be moving in the middle of a worldwide pandemic...  I never thought that would happen either (the pandemic, but also having to move during a pandemic). 

 

Normally we would have a small army of people helping out and I probably would try to have the boys be occupied elsewhere, with someone else.  But when you don't want to endanger other people's health or spread a deadly disease, it takes a lot more patience, grace, and strength than I think I have.

 

So if you think about us tomorrow (4/4/20), you can pray (especially that I don't lose my mind... or anything else).

 

 



Day 22: Living not just surviving

I couldn't sleep the other night.  Like, I slept fine until about 3am, then I was awake in bed for an hour before I decided it was better to just get up.  I wasn't really anxious about anything or have anything specific that was on my mind, I just could not fall back to sleep.

I guess it's practice for wake up calls that will begin in December.  I have not missed being on call all the time, like I used to be for the first 5 years of our marriage (we both were, and Josiah still is, but he doesn't get called nearly as much as he did in those first 5 years).  It is going to take every ounce of simple and creative gifts that I have to not just survive this season, but to feel like I'm actually living.

I don't like that feeling.  It's stressful.  I tend to shut down every non-essential thing (I'm sure a lot of other people do this too) and just focus on survival.  But that could be very bad because I'm not exactly an outgoing people person, so that's the thing that I tend to let go of first, relationships.

For example, we just started new small groups at our church, and sign up was completely voluntary.  I signed up.

And now I'm thinking, "how am I ever going to be able to do this?"  We meet as a group every other week and then we are supposed to meet with one or two other people on the off weeks for accountability and encouragement.  And I missed our first group meeting because I wasn't feeling well.

I missed the relationship of small groups, but I'm just not sure I can do this right now.  Maybe if this was not our first child.  But since this will be our first, life is full of unknowns.  And I don't like unknowns, they usually include some sort of change, and change is hard for me.  And all of this hasn't happened yet, so it is all completely hypothetical!

See what I mean?  Relationships outside of my house seem to be the first thing I chuck out the window when I'm looking at survival mode, even just imagining survival mode.

These verses are a handy reminder for those times:

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   -Colossians 3: 12- 17

Day 19: Lists and other reminders

I feel a little overwhelmed.  With a lot of things.

One of the things that I'm trying to think about right now is getting organized.  I like to plan things out and be ready when I know that something is going to happen.  I make lists for packing for vacations.  I make lists of songs that pop into my head for any future worship planning at church.  I make to-do lists, and thank-you card lists.

And then there's the things like this:

Not lists, but peaceful reminders of who God is and all the things that I am capable of doing through His strength.

The Greatest Gift: December 1

I had a feeling I would be back in December.  Just a simple suggestion from a loved one, "you should do a devotional for Christmas."  What do I know?  What wisdom and insight can I give anyone?  There is so much that I don't know, that I am unsure of.

I was hoping to get this book (The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp) for Christmas, but by then it would be "too late" to read.  It is an advent book that you are supposed to start on December 1, and goes up until December 25.  Yesterday, I was lamenting the fact that I would probably have to wait until next year to read this book at the appropriate time.  Just an hour after this, I was surprised to find this book in my hands, my own copy!  God, You were definitely at work in this!

I can't make any promises of how spectacular this may be.  It very well may fall flat.  Or I may have to stop short again, but I am hoping to write about what I learn each day from reading this book, what God shows me.  And of course just like my 31 day series in October, I am getting a late start.

I think I will share the Scripture from each day and any thoughts I may have had from the reading or good quotes, and then try to answer the questions posed.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Out of the stump of David’s family will grow a shoot—
    yes, a new Branch bearing fruit from the old root.
2 And the Spirit of the Lord will rest on him—
    the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and might,
    the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.
In that day the heir to David’s throne
    will be a banner of salvation to all the world.
The nations will rally to him,
    and the land where he lives will be a glorious place."  -Isaiah 11: 1-2, 10

Advent means coming.  The Advent of Jesus' birth, the coming of Jesus.  It was so long awaited.  Prophesied by many prophets in the Old Testament times.  Why was there so much time in between the prophesies and the coming?

Waiting.  It seems to be a common theme recently.  And when that happens, I should pay attention, because it usually means God is trying to point something out to me.

I didn't understand the extent of this joyful waiting thing when I started the 31 days of writing on my blog in October.  I still don't understand it, really.  I think I am in a perpetual state of waiting.  But what does it mean?

What am I waiting for this time?  After the impossible has become reality.  After the longed for thing is held in my hands.  What am I waiting for now?  I still feel it, will I always be waiting for something?

One of the questions from the book:

"What are you waiting for, yearning for this season?"

I almost laughed or maybe dropped the book when I saw this question.  I've been asking myself this question recently.  What am I waiting for?  My answer has, so far, always been "I don't know."  But if I think about the question in terms of this advent season, then I may have an answer.

I am longing to not feel rushed this Christmas season.  Which is so difficult, because I always feel rushed.  I feel rushed trying to leave the house for any planned or unplanned activity.  I feel rushed trying to come up with and make (because that's how it's going to be this year) Christmas gift for family and friends, because every year it comes to the week before Christmas and I don't have any ideas, time, or money to be able to give a gift that I think someone will really like.  I feel rushed even thinking about putting up Christmas decorations.  I mean December is only so long, so I only have a limited time to have these decorations up (although, I don't because our tree stayed up year round because I just didn't care to take it down).  And Christmas music is only played for about 30 days out of the year (or longer these days).  And then there is Thanksgiving, and I'm still trying to drag that holiday out a little longer because I don't want to skip over it like it seems the world is trying to do.

Just writing that last paragraph makes me feel stressed out and tired.  And I really do not want to feel that way this year.  I don't want to buy into madness or commercialism, that my Christmas has to look a certain way to be Christmas.

I am waiting for hope and joy.  Those feelings I get at night with the tree lights sparkling and not a care in the world to bother me.  But I am yearning for those feelings to last through the year, not just one night, or one month.

That is my hope for reading The Greatest Gift.  I want to be able to slow down and breathe in this season.  I want to really focus in on what really matters, what is, what I have, what I've been given.

Day 14: Crisis of Faith

Sometimes we have to wait a long time for God to start to fulfill our dreams.

It might take longer than we would like and so we give up.

I'll never get to do that, I'll never get there, it will never happen.

This is something we talked about in church yesterday.  It is called a crisis of faith.  When we lose hope that God will ever fulfill His promises, so we do it our own way.

There are so many examples in the Bible where this happens!

Abraham and Sarah: God promises them a child, but they get restless and Sarah gives her servant to Abraham, so that through her, they could have a child.  That ended up with jealously and hurt.

The Israelites (many times):  After a bad scouting report from 10 out of 12 spies, they wanted to turn around and go back to slavery in Egypt instead of walking forward in victory into the land the Lord had been promised.  For that they got to wander in the wilderness for 40 more years, until the people who were 20+ years old had died (with the exception of Joshua and Caleb).

Judas:  All of Jesus' disciples thought that Jesus would bring a political revolution.  They thought he would rule as a king on the earth (and they would be his rich, powerful buddies).  They didn't understand why he was really on earth (at least until after his resurrection).  Judas got tired of waiting, to him Jesus was just another average human.  He let unbelief creep in, which opened the door for him to be enticed into betraying Jesus (which worked for the best, Jesus' death and resurrection did bring salvation).  He ended up killing himself, lonely and miserable.

Those are just a few examples.

We are imperfect, unreliable humans.  We lose hope, or worse yet, we put our hope in ourselves.  We strive on our own strength.

Striving is exhausting.  It can feel like we are physically trying to move a mountain on our own to reach what we dream.

But it doesn't have to be that way.  It is called faith.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  -Hebrews 11: 1


"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God'.”  -Mark 10: 27

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Five Minute Friday: True

Another Five Minute Friday Free Write!

The word is: True.

Go

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Philippians 4: 8

Too often I think I think about the opposite of what is true.  I see what is true, but what you did to me was false.  What you said about me was false.  And I can't tell the world what the truth is because it would hurt you too much.  That or they wouldn't believe me.

The truth, sometimes we never find out.  But I already know the truth and He has a name because He told us.  "I am the way and the truth and the life." -John 14: 6

But what about the truth in this situation?  Do I need to know that specifically?  Or does Your all-encompassing truth cover that?  Is Your truth enough to cover my questions?  Was what You said, the promises You made, just true yesterday or last year, or is it true still and always?

I am held captive by these doubts and questions.  I don't need all the answers, I just need Your truth.  If I knew it all already, I wouldn't need You.  The questions keep me hungry for the truth.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  -John 8:32

Stop.