What I Learned In November

Linking up to share some things I learned in November.  This month went super fast!!

1.  I love learning to use my "new" dslr camera.  I've had a little more time these past 2 months to play around with it and take pictures outside.  I love to take photos!  A lot of my subjects are animals, not many of people.

2.  God is faithful to supply for our needs... and sometimes I don't know that something was a need until it was fulfilled.

3.  It is refreshing for me to just write in my journal.  I can really be myself and I don't have to worry about saying the right things or saying things in the right way.

4.  I need to keep pouring myself out, but I also need to learn how to refuel from God, in a timely manner.

5.  It is easier for me to open up around strangers, to be brave around people I don't know and who don't know me, than it is for me to be open and vulnerable with people I am around frequently.

6.  When other women are real and vulnerable and open, it makes me want to be the same.

7.  New things, even when they are longed for, expected, they make me very nervous.  If it is something that I have never experienced, I feel pretty terrified about it.

8.  I am easily overwhelmed by noise and activity and I need quiet and space to relax after a lot of chaos.  But I can't live entirely in silence and solitude.  I long for deep, relational interactions.

9.  Being a farmer means that 9 times out of 10, when you are trying to get somewhere you are running late.  No matter how early you may get up, and plan ahead, something unexpected on the farm seems to pop up when we try to leave the house.  And everywhere we go, my hair is usually wet because I just showered 10 minutes before we ran out the door.  Frowny face.

What I Learned In October

I'm just going to post this and not wait for any link-up.  I think learning is important, and even if I write nothing else on my blog for a while, I will continue to record the things that I learn every month and post them (hopefully, I will be back to writing on here soon though!).

1.  You can pound the color out of leaves!  Thank you Pinterest!  It didn't turn out that well.  I found out that you want "fresh" leaves, ones that haven't been on the ground for a while.

2.  It is a hard thing to write every day, but I can do it.  I just need to take paper and pen everywhere I go so I can write down my thoughts when inspiration comes.  I have words to write, I just sometimes forget those words before they ever hit paper.

3.  I can absolutely work ahead and write more than one post at a time!  In school, I was a procrastinator, but for this challenge I stayed ahead of myself for most of the time.

4.  Every time I type the word "soul,"  it comes out as "sould."

5.  I wiggle my toes (if I don't have shoes on) while praying before a meal, but only if we're holding hands.  I think it's because my hands shake sometimes (or I think my fingers twitch), so I think if I am moving another body part they don't shake as much.  I don't know if that's true or not though.  But I finally noticed that I was doing it.  Weird!

6.  My puppy likes to eat tomatoes and apples.

7.  I never realized how unpeaceful David's life was.  He spent the first part of his life running from King Saul.  Then he became king, but only ruled one part of the kingdom for 7 years before the other part of the kingdom accepted him as their king after their leader had died.  Then he fought a whole bunch of wars.  And then he was on the run from one of his own sons for a while.  It is no wonder he wrote so many of the psalms.  Things like that seem to come out of uncertainty and times of absolute need to rely on God (which should be all the time).

8.  I get so excited about things sometimes that I can think more about the gift than about the Giver.

9.  If a horse has a white face, the owners will sometimes dye black around the horses eyes, like eye liner.  If they don't, the horse is more susceptible to get cancer in the skin around their eyes.  Veterinarians know the most interesting things!

Day 30: The end

To be very honest.  I'm tired.  I was excited at the beginning of this month.  I didn't take much time or thought or prayer before I started this 31 days.  Things started out well.  And I was super excited to write.

But here I am at the end of October, tired, worn down.  I need a break.  I was full of energy when I started this challenge.  And I really wanted to finish.  But I think I am going to stop a day early.

I think I've been trying to do to be on my blog, at least the last weeks of this month.  And it has worn me down.  It takes so much effort to do.  I was no longer writing for my own benefit, but trying to be witty, smart, basically the best writer.

I haven't been waiting with joy.  I've been impatient and easily offended, and at the stupidest things.  I don't think I've been waiting on the Lord enough.  

I've had a lot of guest posts over the end of this month, which has been fantastic!  And I've been using a lot of things I've written in my journal.  So nothing has seemed too hard, but all the same, today I feel spread too thinly.

I've decided to take a break.  I don't know for how long.  But until I can get back to the place of writing more for myself than for anyone else, not worrying how many people read my blog or what they think, a place of being, receiving, and living from God, I will be writing more in my journal than on this blog.  I love to write, but I need to do this.  It doesn't mean that I've failed, it just means I need to wait some more.  Dwell on what this phrase really means.

I already have some posts already written, like what I learned in October, so that will go up when that link-up opens, but after that my posting may be sparse.  But only for a time, a season.  I promise I will be back, with more words and more pictures, and if I'm the only one who ever reads them or sees them, that will be enough for me.

Haha!  Have fun joyfully waiting!

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Day 29: Be

It is easier to do than to be sometimes.

I try to do to please others rather than just be.  Be me.  Be who God created.

Doing is rushing in with my agenda, pushing what I think is right for the situation.  There is a time to act.

But joyful waiting is being.  Being aware.  Being present.  Listening more, talking less.  Not having to prove everything all the time.  It is trust.  Resting in His strength, in His love, in His life-giving Word.

My life, my purpose, isn't about what I do or don't do.  It is about who I choose to be.  Am I being, or am I trying to do to be.

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Day 28: From

Living for God.  It's a phrase that I hear often.

What does that look like?  Aren't there a lot of things we can live for?  We can live for something that we are waiting for.  But that isn't necessarily God.

When I think of living for someone, I think of someone who can't get around, who is not physically able to do some activities.  You can experience things for them and express those things to that person, but it won't ever be the same as them having the experience themselves.

It means we are an individual, independent of everyone else.  We can choose to turn off that "living for" someone in an instant, and live for ourselves.

Living from God.

It goes deeper.  I picture God's hand, and I am laying in His hand, connected to it.  I am no longer the same weak, flawed individual that I was.  I am an extension of God.  Not that I am God, but His work, His love, the life that He gives, flows from Himself out through me.  The Holy Spirit is that connecting piece.  The Holy Spirit is what grips us.

Young children live from their parents, they don't live for their parents.  Their parents provide for their needs.  That is how we are to live from God.

It means I can have joy in the waiting because I am not depending on myself for that joy.  The Holy Spirit grips me in the palm of His hand.  God already knows my needs, I just need to live connected.

Live from Him and receive the grace that I need.

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Forever Isn't Easy

It keeps coming back.  This feeling, when you come back.

You want friends not family.  I would rather have family than friends.  

Family is (supposed to be) forever.  They are closer, yes.  More easily hurt.  But worth every hurt, every reconciliation, every ounce of love.

You took family and threw it in the dirt.  Trampled on the very name of it.  Because you wanted you.  You chose yourself over everything else.

Hurt like that doesn't just disappear, and neither do you.  You keep coming back, bringing all the pain and questions with you.

Was it ever real?  Or did you only ever want to have fun not a family?  Did you ever care?  Was anything true?

I remember that day.  You promised forever.  Hugs went around.  Games were played.  Yes, it was fun.  Was everything a game after that?

Forever isn't all fun and games.  Forever isn't easy.  

Fun isn't forever.  Friends aren't forever either.  They change and go.  Family changes, but you have to deal with those changes.

You would probably say that I don't understand.  You would be right.  I don't understand.

Do you even understand?

Day 27: Receive

Yesterday, I was reminded of a journal entry that I wrote  back in April.  I didn't know it at the time, but it has a lot to do with joyful waiting.  I was reading Emily Freeman's book, Grace For The Good Girl, and three words struck and pierced my heart.  Receive.  From.  Be.  All of these words are connected, but I think for the sake of length I'll talk about them separately then tie them back together in my 30th post in this 31 day series.

Receive.

It is so hard to receive sometimes.  To open up our hands to allow them to be filled with blessing.

Compliments.  What am I supposed to say back?  Just thank you?  I always want to rush in right away and say something nice back, but does that come across sincere?  I don't want to become or look prideful about the things I am complimented on, so sometimes I just brush the compliment away, put the attention back on someone else.

Gifts.  As much as I love to get gifts, it is so awkward to sit there and have everyone stare silently at you as you open up a wrapped box or gift bag.  And then you pull out the gift, and whether or not you love it, you don't want to be fake, so you say "It's so great," but you never feel like you can express how much gratitude you actually have.

Necessities.  Basically, I feel like a beggar when I accept food or clothing from someone.  I appreciate it, but it makes me feel ashamed to be in need of something.

Grace, the Holy Spirit.  I think I know what both of these are, but how do you receive grace.  Or how do you receive the Holy Spirit?

It takes a change of my heart and mind.  I don't need to give more to receive more.  It is a hunger, a desire for knowing who God is.  Sitting down with Him to receive what He wants to give.  I don't receive when I don't take the time to be with Him, when I crowd Him out with all the things I need to accomplish.

I need to go into my room, shut the door, wait... and receive...

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."  Matthew 6: 6

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.