Day 30: The end

To be very honest.  I'm tired.  I was excited at the beginning of this month.  I didn't take much time or thought or prayer before I started this 31 days.  Things started out well.  And I was super excited to write.

But here I am at the end of October, tired, worn down.  I need a break.  I was full of energy when I started this challenge.  And I really wanted to finish.  But I think I am going to stop a day early.

I think I've been trying to do to be on my blog, at least the last weeks of this month.  And it has worn me down.  It takes so much effort to do.  I was no longer writing for my own benefit, but trying to be witty, smart, basically the best writer.

I haven't been waiting with joy.  I've been impatient and easily offended, and at the stupidest things.  I don't think I've been waiting on the Lord enough.  

I've had a lot of guest posts over the end of this month, which has been fantastic!  And I've been using a lot of things I've written in my journal.  So nothing has seemed too hard, but all the same, today I feel spread too thinly.

I've decided to take a break.  I don't know for how long.  But until I can get back to the place of writing more for myself than for anyone else, not worrying how many people read my blog or what they think, a place of being, receiving, and living from God, I will be writing more in my journal than on this blog.  I love to write, but I need to do this.  It doesn't mean that I've failed, it just means I need to wait some more.  Dwell on what this phrase really means.

I already have some posts already written, like what I learned in October, so that will go up when that link-up opens, but after that my posting may be sparse.  But only for a time, a season.  I promise I will be back, with more words and more pictures, and if I'm the only one who ever reads them or sees them, that will be enough for me.

Haha!  Have fun joyfully waiting!

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Day 29: Be

It is easier to do than to be sometimes.

I try to do to please others rather than just be.  Be me.  Be who God created.

Doing is rushing in with my agenda, pushing what I think is right for the situation.  There is a time to act.

But joyful waiting is being.  Being aware.  Being present.  Listening more, talking less.  Not having to prove everything all the time.  It is trust.  Resting in His strength, in His love, in His life-giving Word.

My life, my purpose, isn't about what I do or don't do.  It is about who I choose to be.  Am I being, or am I trying to do to be.

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Day 28: From

Living for God.  It's a phrase that I hear often.

What does that look like?  Aren't there a lot of things we can live for?  We can live for something that we are waiting for.  But that isn't necessarily God.

When I think of living for someone, I think of someone who can't get around, who is not physically able to do some activities.  You can experience things for them and express those things to that person, but it won't ever be the same as them having the experience themselves.

It means we are an individual, independent of everyone else.  We can choose to turn off that "living for" someone in an instant, and live for ourselves.

Living from God.

It goes deeper.  I picture God's hand, and I am laying in His hand, connected to it.  I am no longer the same weak, flawed individual that I was.  I am an extension of God.  Not that I am God, but His work, His love, the life that He gives, flows from Himself out through me.  The Holy Spirit is that connecting piece.  The Holy Spirit is what grips us.

Young children live from their parents, they don't live for their parents.  Their parents provide for their needs.  That is how we are to live from God.

It means I can have joy in the waiting because I am not depending on myself for that joy.  The Holy Spirit grips me in the palm of His hand.  God already knows my needs, I just need to live connected.

Live from Him and receive the grace that I need.

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Forever Isn't Easy

It keeps coming back.  This feeling, when you come back.

You want friends not family.  I would rather have family than friends.  

Family is (supposed to be) forever.  They are closer, yes.  More easily hurt.  But worth every hurt, every reconciliation, every ounce of love.

You took family and threw it in the dirt.  Trampled on the very name of it.  Because you wanted you.  You chose yourself over everything else.

Hurt like that doesn't just disappear, and neither do you.  You keep coming back, bringing all the pain and questions with you.

Was it ever real?  Or did you only ever want to have fun not a family?  Did you ever care?  Was anything true?

I remember that day.  You promised forever.  Hugs went around.  Games were played.  Yes, it was fun.  Was everything a game after that?

Forever isn't all fun and games.  Forever isn't easy.  

Fun isn't forever.  Friends aren't forever either.  They change and go.  Family changes, but you have to deal with those changes.

You would probably say that I don't understand.  You would be right.  I don't understand.

Do you even understand?

Day 27: Receive

Yesterday, I was reminded of a journal entry that I wrote  back in April.  I didn't know it at the time, but it has a lot to do with joyful waiting.  I was reading Emily Freeman's book, Grace For The Good Girl, and three words struck and pierced my heart.  Receive.  From.  Be.  All of these words are connected, but I think for the sake of length I'll talk about them separately then tie them back together in my 30th post in this 31 day series.

Receive.

It is so hard to receive sometimes.  To open up our hands to allow them to be filled with blessing.

Compliments.  What am I supposed to say back?  Just thank you?  I always want to rush in right away and say something nice back, but does that come across sincere?  I don't want to become or look prideful about the things I am complimented on, so sometimes I just brush the compliment away, put the attention back on someone else.

Gifts.  As much as I love to get gifts, it is so awkward to sit there and have everyone stare silently at you as you open up a wrapped box or gift bag.  And then you pull out the gift, and whether or not you love it, you don't want to be fake, so you say "It's so great," but you never feel like you can express how much gratitude you actually have.

Necessities.  Basically, I feel like a beggar when I accept food or clothing from someone.  I appreciate it, but it makes me feel ashamed to be in need of something.

Grace, the Holy Spirit.  I think I know what both of these are, but how do you receive grace.  Or how do you receive the Holy Spirit?

It takes a change of my heart and mind.  I don't need to give more to receive more.  It is a hunger, a desire for knowing who God is.  Sitting down with Him to receive what He wants to give.  I don't receive when I don't take the time to be with Him, when I crowd Him out with all the things I need to accomplish.

I need to go into my room, shut the door, wait... and receive...

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."  Matthew 6: 6

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Day 26: In The Barrenness

I will have 5 days left after this post!  It would be amazing if I just kept getting guest posters, but I don't think that is going to happen.  But for now, I am enjoying reading what other people have to say about joyful waiting.  Today's post comes to you from father-in-law, Joe Garber...

Isaiah 64:1-3 (NLT)

Oh, that you would burst from the heavens and come down!    How the mountains would quake in your presence!
As fire causes wood to burn    and water to boil,your coming would make the nations tremble.    Then your enemies would learn the reason for your fame!
When you came down long ago,    you did awesome deeds beyond our highest expectations.
    And oh, how the mountains quaked!

In my barrenness I am easily drawn to the urgency of the moment...the unresolved situations at hand...the healing that is not yet...the unpaid bill...the relationship that is yet to be reconciled...the dream or vision that is yet to come to fulfillment.  Life is filled with a myriad of scenarios that parallel these short descriptions of life's experiences.  What should my posture be as a child of God?  What did I say?  Yes, this is it!!  I am a child of GOD.

Let me put things in perspective once again.  OK. I am a child of God, the Sovereign who reigns forevermore.  He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He provides the rain for just and the unjust, He created all things for His glory...In fact the scripture says that by HIS WORD He holds all things together.  Is it any too big of a thing for me to expect GOD to hold even my life together...a solution for the barrenness that I am experiencing?  Our verse for today beckons God to burst from the heavens and to come down!!  His presence will shake the situations of life that seem to be immovable!!  His coming will bring even our township, our county, our state, our nation,  THE NATIONS to a place of trembling.  Bring me Lord to a place where I will tremble before your amazing presence.

As your word says you will do things beyond my wildest expectations and I glorify your awesome name for you alone are God and I am your beloved child.  I know you care for me and my family along with everyone that calls you LORD.  We know and believe that In our barrenness there is a Rainmaker (click here)

           

                               there is joy in the waiting!!

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.

Day 25: Life Is Now

I'm on a roll with all these guest posts!  I'm kind of glad.  I feel like I have more to write, but I don't know what it is right now.  So here is a guest post from my littlest (and youngest) sister, Kristen.  :)

Joyful Waiting. Waiting Joyfully. Filled with joy in the process of waiting. Joy. Wait.

After Valerie asked me to write a guest post I got really excited but then also apprehensive. I’m not much of a writer. But here it goes!

While thinking about the topic of joyfully waiting many different scenarios came to mind. However, they all have something in common. Waiting, waiting, waiting…

There is something that needs to be broken off of our culture. We have to stop waiting for our “life” to start. We go from “once I’m in high school, then I’ll feel grown up”, to “once I graduate college” to “once I have a real job” to “once I get married” to “once I have kids” to this to that. We continue to wait to grow up and wait for life to start. What if we lived with the mindset that our life is NOW.  Not tomorrow, not two years from today, but now.

Our life is now and our life is for Jesus and the Kingdom of Heaven. In that we can find JOY.  We have to model our lives after Jesus, after all we are Christ Followers. What did his daily life look like? He lived in the moment and for the people. And he wants us to do the same. John sums it up for us, check out 1 John 4 7-21 ::

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.  We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.

How did Jesus keep his focus on loving people? He had an eternal mindset, He knew the Father’s heart, and He had a sense of urgency for the hour that He lived in. We should model our lives after Jesus and do the same. In this we will find JOY. For there is no truer joy than to see…

Someone FOUND who was once lost

Someone FREED who was once bound.

Someone DANCE who was once lame.

Someone HEALED who was once sick

Someone ALIVE who was once dead

they had an encounter with the King of Kings because someone was Jesus to them.

“Freely you have received; freely give”

To see more posts in this series just click on the label "31 Days" under the title of each post in this series, or go back to Day 1 here and choose from the list of days listed at the bottom of the post.