Night work

What seems like ages ago, I used to work a night shift of milking.  This was when we were milking 24/7 (milking 24/7 is not normal for a herd our size, but the reason we did it is a long story that I don't know if I will ever tell on my blog.  Too complicated and probably wouldn't be that interesting to read.)

Sometimes, especially on nights like tonight, when I take a walk after dark around the barns in this beautiful weather, I miss those late night milkings.  

I would turn on the worship music and sing as loud as I wanted because no one else was around except the cows, and they really don't care what I sound like when I sing.  It was kind of exhilarating, being up when very few other people were.  Doing something productive and good and seeing how good of a job I could do each time.  And being alone.  That place became my personal worship and prayer room.

Of course, that room no longer exists in our new parlor setup, and I no longer get to milk because I'm taking care of Joshua.  

But I still pull some night shifts of a different kind.  It's hard to feel the same way about these shifts as I felt about milking because they're just so different.  Then, I was caring for 250+ cows, and I could see the progress and outcome of my work very clearly, almost instantly.  Now, I'm caring for 1 little human.  And the progress feels so slow, the amount of work that we've put in feels greater than the "outcome" we've seen so far.  The past 7 months have seemed to crawl by, but at the same time, I'm wondering how my little boy is growing up so fast!

I guess those night shifts were preparing me (a little bit, nothing can ever really prepare you for having a baby) for now, as a reminder that the work I'm doing is still exhilarating.  I'm raising another human being, for crying out loud!!  It's been the most crazy, and scary, and wow-I'm-gonna-need-so-much-jesus-and-coffee-to-make-it-through-this, and hard, and wouldn't-trade-it-for-the-world challenges.

Happy Father's Day & Joshua's story

So today, along with being Father's Day, was also the child and baby dedication at our church.  There were 8 children being dedicated!!  And Joshua was one of them.  (Only one child was a girl!)  I thought I would share what we shared in front of the church, which is an abbreviated version of Joshua's story of existence and words of encouragement for him from us.

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Valerie:  In 2012 (and really since 2009) the farm was going through a difficult financial time.  I was reading through the book of Joshua and I felt the Lord prompting me that the name of our first son was supposed to be Joshua, which means "the Lord saves," because the Lord was going to save us through that hard time (and He still is).  So I wrote that down on a piece of paper and hid it away for later.  (I brought it along to the hospital to show family and friends after he was born.  The date on it was 10/29/2012)
  Then in February of 2015, I had a dream that we had a baby boy on December 1 (I asked the date several times in my dream just to be sure) and we named him Joshua Clay.  **Side note that I forgot to share: If I had been a boy, my parents would have named me Joshua.  I had forgotten all about this until after Joshua was born and my mom reminded me!!**  When we had the doctor's appointment to confirm the pregnancy, they told us our due date was December 11, which is the date of our dating anniversary.

Josiah:  I am the fourth generation in the Garber family with the initials of JCG.  We thought this was a neat tradition that we wanted to carry on.  And Joshua Clay fit that "criteria."
  At our 20 week ultrasound, we found out we were having a baby boy and he was growing well.  The next day Valerie had to go back for some follow-up ultrasound pictures and received the diagnosis that our baby had a 2 vessel umbilical cord, a normal cord has 3 vessels.  **Another thing not shared:  Valerie also had a low lying placenta, which can also lead to more complications.  Thankfully it moved up to its proper place after a few weeks.**  Because of this we were scheduled for a few extra check-ups.

Valerie:  At the first of these extra appointments, I went by myself (Josiah had been able to go to all them so far).

Josiah:  Shortly after Valerie left, I got a phone call from her saying she was headed over to the specialist (Maternal Fetal Medicine or MFM) for an emergency ultrasound because the baby's heart rate was irregular.  I joined Valerie for this appointment and every appointment after this.  **They didn't find anything wrong, his heart rate was normal and continued to be normal at every visit.**  Monthly, then biweekly, then weekly ultrasounds (and non-stress tests) followed and consumed the last 3 months of the pregnancy.  These appointments confirmed Joshua's health, renewed our faith in God and reminded us that "the Lord saves," and an added bonus was that we got to see 3D pictures of him almost every week until he was born.
  We prepared for a December 1 arrival.  And on Monday, November 30, we went in to the hospital in the evening, hoping now was the time.  Joshua Clay was born November 30 at 11:55pm.

***Big side note here:  The midwife asked if we wanted to wait until December 1 to have Joshua because we mentioned the dream, but we decided that we didn't need to specifically wait for that date.  Whenever he came, we would be happy.      So when Joshua was still inside me, he apparently pooped, a lot.  This first poop is called meconium and is black and sticky.  When this happens and the baby is born, they may have meconium in their mouths and can inhale it which is pretty bad for their lungs, as you can imagine.  So they try to take the baby quickly after birth and suck as much meconium out as possible before they can breathe it in.  We later learned that the midwife said this was the worst amount of meconium that she had ever seen and she was a bit worried that it could basically have killed him (this midwife (lovely woman that she is) tends to be very excitable and even maybe a little overdramatic at times, so I'm not sure really how serious it was).  Thinking back on this, I wonder if part of the reason for my dream was a warning?  Maybe Joshua wouldn't have made it if we had waited until December 1?  Either way, God's timing was perfect!***

Valerie:  Joshua, it would have been easy to see all these challenges arising and be discouraged and even fearful that we may never be able to meet you.  But the Lord is consistently faithful.  All your extra check-ups were an assurance of this and of His promise to save you.
  It would have been (and sometimes was) easy to doubt God's timing of your birth, but we kept holding on to that promise of December 1, even when others may have laughed it off as a simple dream.  Through your birth, our faith has been strengthened in the promises and faithfulness of God!

Josiah:  Joshua, may you live a faithful, passionate life; whole-heartedly chasing the dreams the Lord lays on your heart.  Be a strong and courageous mighty warrior, fighting battles for the Lord.
  Joshua 1: 9,  "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Happy Father's Day Daddy!!

Day 25: What are we afraid of?

Inspiration can come at any time and from anywhere.  Some family members were asking if I was going to post today, and I really had no idea what I was going to post about, but after I got home, I had an idea (which also led me to post what I did for Day 24)!  Thank you family!

Why are we so afraid of letting go?  Of our stuff, of our ideas, of our plans, of our money, of our time, and the list could go on.

Maybe because of that word "our."  We see it as ours.  (And I'm not writing this to anyone in particular because I am as guilty of this as the next person.)

What is really mine?  Nothing that I have or even do is new to the world, it all has a source.  If you read through the Bible book of Ecclesiastes, the writer makes this point chapter after chapter (I found his writing to be almost depressing at times).

The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:
“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”

All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.       -Ecclesiastes 1: 1-2, 8-10

Kind of depressing, right?!

Chapter 12 is more encouraging.  It tells us to remember our Creator.  All things that we have come from Him.

Doesn't that also mean that He can provide for what we lack?  We don't need to hang on to everything if we trust that He is our Provider.  And that doesn't mean that we should be negligent or careless with what He has entrusted to us, just that we should trust more in Him than in the things that we call "ours."

Day 24: I'm Letting Go

I decided that it was okay to post another one of my scribblings.  It wasn't so bad the first time.  

This one comes with some drawings.  My favorite kind of drawings.  The messy, imperfect, very sketchy ones!  They're the most fun to draw because I'm not trying to be perfect with them and get all the details just right, I'm just getting the gist of the subject.  (Which probably means that I should draw this way more if it's what I like best!)

The words in this drawing were a song (but I'm not going to sing it for you):

I'm letting go, I'm letting go

Of all that I hold on to

I'm letting go, I'm letting go

The hopes and dreams that

Sift through closed hands

All I have, all I am

Comes from You

Bigger and better

I cannot imagine

But bigger and better

Are Your dreams for me 

And then you repeat it a couple of time, etc...

Actually, I'm just realizing/remembering that these drawings were blind contour drawings (which means that you draw without lifting your pen/pencil and don't look at your paper as you draw).

Day 23: Little steps can lead to breakthrough

Isn't it amazing how some days you can be in "get things done" mode, and others you just want to lounge around and do nothing "productive."

Today, I'm trying to get things done that I've put off for the last week.  I have a nice to-do list written out with 3 things now checked off, which makes me feel good.  But a lot more stuff not checked off, which doesn't make me feel so accomplished.

And then 2 more items added to the list that I just remembered.

Little bits can still make for a big breakthrough.  Accomplishing the one thing that seems so big in my mind can make me feel like I've completed my whole list.

..............

Now at the end of the day as I look at my list, my accomplishments outnumber my "to-do's"!  Starting is the hardest for me.  But once I reach that first small accomplishment, I know I can do so much more!

Day 22: Living not just surviving

I couldn't sleep the other night.  Like, I slept fine until about 3am, then I was awake in bed for an hour before I decided it was better to just get up.  I wasn't really anxious about anything or have anything specific that was on my mind, I just could not fall back to sleep.

I guess it's practice for wake up calls that will begin in December.  I have not missed being on call all the time, like I used to be for the first 5 years of our marriage (we both were, and Josiah still is, but he doesn't get called nearly as much as he did in those first 5 years).  It is going to take every ounce of simple and creative gifts that I have to not just survive this season, but to feel like I'm actually living.

I don't like that feeling.  It's stressful.  I tend to shut down every non-essential thing (I'm sure a lot of other people do this too) and just focus on survival.  But that could be very bad because I'm not exactly an outgoing people person, so that's the thing that I tend to let go of first, relationships.

For example, we just started new small groups at our church, and sign up was completely voluntary.  I signed up.

And now I'm thinking, "how am I ever going to be able to do this?"  We meet as a group every other week and then we are supposed to meet with one or two other people on the off weeks for accountability and encouragement.  And I missed our first group meeting because I wasn't feeling well.

I missed the relationship of small groups, but I'm just not sure I can do this right now.  Maybe if this was not our first child.  But since this will be our first, life is full of unknowns.  And I don't like unknowns, they usually include some sort of change, and change is hard for me.  And all of this hasn't happened yet, so it is all completely hypothetical!

See what I mean?  Relationships outside of my house seem to be the first thing I chuck out the window when I'm looking at survival mode, even just imagining survival mode.

These verses are a handy reminder for those times:

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   -Colossians 3: 12- 17

Day 21: Rest on a stressful day

Some words I wrote during my walk yesterday morning:

Rest in the peaceful moment of now.  Not in what was or will be.  But now.  Right.  Now.
This moment will never be again, though many similar may occur, this is the only one perfectly like this.  Be filled with the peace of Christ that surpasses your understanding.  Just be still.  Be still and know that God is faithful.

I didn't know how much I would need those words going through the day yesterday.

It was a little stressful.  First, there was a baby registry issue, like a big one (it corrected itself, but it was stressful at the time).

Then I went for my first non-stress test for baby, and that did not go well.  I was sent over to the specialist for an unexpected ultrasound.  This was the first appointment that Josiah had not come with me, so I was texting and calling him trying to explain what was happening, when I really didn't know. 

Baby's heart rate was really high and then would drop down to a normal rate, but when I went to the specialist it wasn't happening.  So I am now banned from caffeine for the next 8 or so weeks (I had hot chocolate yesterday morning and that might have been the cause of the issue).  (I already told my sister that I will gladly accept gifts of (dark) chocolate bars in the hospital after baby is born and that they better serve chocolate milk.  I won't miss coffee as much as chocolate.  But whatever I need to do for the baby's health, I will.)

I'll have to tell this whole pregnancy story some time because it's been the most eventful, but without any real problems, event in my life.