Forever Isn't Easy

It keeps coming back.  This feeling, when you come back.

You want friends not family.  I would rather have family than friends.  

Family is (supposed to be) forever.  They are closer, yes.  More easily hurt.  But worth every hurt, every reconciliation, every ounce of love.

You took family and threw it in the dirt.  Trampled on the very name of it.  Because you wanted you.  You chose yourself over everything else.

Hurt like that doesn't just disappear, and neither do you.  You keep coming back, bringing all the pain and questions with you.

Was it ever real?  Or did you only ever want to have fun not a family?  Did you ever care?  Was anything true?

I remember that day.  You promised forever.  Hugs went around.  Games were played.  Yes, it was fun.  Was everything a game after that?

Forever isn't all fun and games.  Forever isn't easy.  

Fun isn't forever.  Friends aren't forever either.  They change and go.  Family changes, but you have to deal with those changes.

You would probably say that I don't understand.  You would be right.  I don't understand.

Do you even understand?