Dissatisfied

Josiah and I went to see the second part of The Hobbit movie the other evening.

First, Josiah fell asleep.  This is normal, and he saw all but the last half hour maybe.  So he didn't miss the whole thing.

Secondly, the book is much better.  If only they had stuck to the book, but I guess they thought the book wasn't dramatic enough and Smaug needed more lines (among other characters who monopolize the attention away from the true main character, Bilbo Baggins).  And why do the dwarves look so goofy?  Gimli never looked that goofy in the Lord Of The Rings movies.  And really, who would ever believe a love story between a dwarf and an elf?  It would never work, now move on to the real story.

And finally, I don't really enjoy watching movies all that much anymore.  They leave me dissatisfied.  It's what they're meant to do.  Leave you hanging by an emotional thread, wanting more so that you come back for the next one in the series, the same goes for a televisions series.

Leaving you dissatisfied with your life, wanting more adventure, more fun, more freedom, more happiness.  Always wanting more.  More than my busy schedule and tired eyes, more than my messy house, more than my average intelligence and common sense could ever leave me with.  Life in the movies always works out, right (It makes me wonder if the final Hobbit movie will follow the book in who dies and who lives in the end?)?

Casting shadows of discontent over my plain, often unglamorous life.  Creating discontent and ingratitude.  Pulling my eyes and heart down into myself.  The places where I can't see all the little miracles and gifts.

I'm reading another Ann Voskamp book this year, One Thousand Gifts.  Also, at the beginning of this year, I've started counting my 1000 gifts for her Joy Dare in a lovely journal that I put pictures on the front of (such a fun project!).  So far I am finding it easy to find 3 things each day to be grateful for, and some days I don't want to stop, I want to write 10 things down not just 3!

But still, my discontent peeks through.  Whenever my plan for the day gets pushed aside for something more pressing.  Whenever I am interrupted while writing or reading.  Whenever I am forced to be in a rush to go somewhere.  Whenever the weather turns cold and white and impedes travel.  Then you will see the grumpy, dissatisfied me.  The selfishness in me.  The things I don't want to be.

And so I keep counting all these every day gifts that God has put right in front of me.

I will learn this, it may take my whole life but I will continue to learn it afresh every day.